2. First impressions matter


A young man kept inviting his dates home, but they all left early. Why? The smell! Today’s lesson: how not to put people off with small things.

1. Mars and Venus

If I want to keep my wife happy, it’s not a good idea to give her what I like. You see, we are very different, and have different preferences, personalities and priorities. She is Venus and I am Mars. I love licorice, she prefers feta cheese. She likes the window open, I like the window closed. So to keep her around, I need to adjust.

In his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman, explains that the way people experience love differs from person to person. A good way to learn about the difference between men and women is by talking with a friend of the opposite sex. Also, if you’ve eyed out the one you want, it may be smart to find out what he or she likes before making your move.

Frustrated men has made many jokes about how difficult it is to understand women. No matter how funny the jokes are, we decide not to laugh. At least not with her present. Let’s put the frustration aside and learn to love and like the Venus-stuff! How hard can it be to serve some cheese, listen to some long stories and be sorry for her broken nail - at the same time? We can multitask, you know!

2. Make a good first impression!

In an ideal world, we would search only for inner qualities in each other. But even God establishes the fact that everybody looks at the outside. It's shallow to bother about such details, you might think. Why can’t people focus on more important qualities? I fully agree! But before you can change the way girls think, you’ve got to get to know them as they are. This means paying attention to details, including your outward appearance.
The same goes for how you act. Most men like feminine women. If you’re a very strong and domineering woman, you might want to show some kindness and adopt a milder tone. The apostle Paul became weak for the weak, in order to win them for God. It’s not a bad idea for a girl to do the same in order to win a boy (the weaker sex?) for herself.

3. Adapt to the 'market'!

I’m sure you’ve heard the story about the guy who finally found the perfect girl; the only problem was she didn’t want him, she was looking for the perfect man.
I meet many guys that dream of women they can never have - and vice versa. The chances of a middle-aged bachelor to attract a beautiful woman 20 years younger than himself are small, if any. You’d make it easier on yourself if you have a realistic self-image and aim for a partner in your own league! If you don’t think age, weight or education should matter; show that it doesn’t matter to you in the way you look at yourself.
A bit later in the series we’ll look at how you can find out whether you stand a chance with the one you’re interested in. When we get to tip no. 6, 'Where to look?' we'll be looking at where your 'market' is and how you can widen your social circle.

This is the second article about finding the one. In the next one called 'What to look for' I give you important tips that might save you from doing critical mistakes.

* 1. Samuel 16:7 (NIV)

Knut G. Osland