Going in the same direction?
It's difficult to take the same plane
when you're going different places.
Find out here if you have the same
tickets in life.
This is the forth article about finding the one. Make sure you have also read the previous article: "What to look for". It will give you important tips that might save you from doing crucial mistakes.
There are some things that you have to have in common for the relationship to work well and for it to last! Instead of finding out about it after the first crush wears off, it is smart to have a couple of things in mind from the very beginning.
1. Outlook on life
I know quite a few couples that married someone with a completely different outlook on life e.g. couples with differing religious beliefs. However, none of them would encourage people of different religious beliefs to get together. Say one of you wants to live for Jesus, while the other doesn’t, this will inevitably lead to conflict within the relationship. God says in his word: “What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (1) We are not talking about people with a theoretical “faith,” but about people that have a life-forming conviction.
2. Common goals
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” the Bible asks (2). Some goals are just not compatible! We must agree on how we want to use our lives and what we want to live for. When I first showed my interest for Elisabeth, she told me we could never be an item. She had two reasons: First of all, she had made up her mind to become a doctor and not marry until she had completed her education. Secondly, she wanted to become a missionary in Japan and I agreed that her plans were not compatible with mine.
I wanted to get married early and move to the north of Norway and we discovered that we needed to discuss this thoroughly, before we even thought of becoming a couple. As you can see, we figured it out and agreed on what goals we could pursue together. This meant that Elisabeth was willing to postpone her education and not limit her ministry to Japan.
3. Shared values
Values are more important than most people realise! It is not just about what goals you have, but how you want to reach those goals. Values touch all areas of life; what we prioritize, how we want to bring up our children, how we use our time and money and everything else. What factors do we want to define our relationship? Do we want to live for ourselves or for other people? What do we do when we disagree on something? Who do we want to help us if we get into a conflict we are unable to resolve? How important are children in relation to our careers? Do we tell each other the truth, or are white lies OK? What is our view on abortion? How do we relate to laws and regulations?
Obviously, we will not discuss all of this on the first date and men we don’t need to know our partner inside out before we can see the values and the path that she is walking. Before your relationship turns serious, it is important to know that you share a common platform.
1. 2. Corinthians 6.15 (NIV)
2. Amos 3.3 (NIV)