Dealing with a heartbreak


Most of us experience disappointments
before finding the one. Heartbreak is so
painful that it is easy to think that you
will never dare to try again. The question
is, what to do when you are turned down?

You decide how to react when you go through disappointment and experience the feeling of defeat! The question is not how you feel, but what you do about it! Make up your mind to grow on the experience, no matter how painful it may feel! (What would country and blues music have been without heartbreak?)

Do not give room for self-pity!

It is very tempting to fall into self-pity when you are disappointed, but it will not help you. It is both normal and OK to feel pain and to be sad, but decide in your heart to never fall into desperation or destructive feelings. The fact that you have been dumped or even if your engagement has been dissolved, it is not the end of the world! Make your mind up to look ahead!

Talk to yourself!

Words are stronger than thoughts! You can win over your feelings by reminding yourself of what is really true. Even though you do not see the positive results immediately, it is important for you to encourage yourself: “The best is still ahead! I have a bright future! God has something better for me! I will make it to the top!”

Spend time with other people!

Many have experienced that going to school or to work, although they feel terrible inside, is just the thing they need! Using time alone to recoup is fine of course, but you really should not isolate yourself! Spend time with friends! It is good to forget about your situation for a while – it will help the healing process!

Good everyday routines

While you still feel the sorrow and defeat, it is not yet time to analyse the situation or to figure things out. More often than not you will need to put some distance between yourself and the situation in order to learn something from it.

When the prophet Elijah in the Bible was disappointed and just wanted to die, God did not come with very spiritual advice. He said: “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” (1) It is important to continue in your daily routines and OK to treat yourself to something extra, without substituting food or other things for something you are missing and being careful to not let yourself become addicted to the substitute.

Do not let fear rule your life!

A natural reaction to a painful experience is: “I will never try that again.” But it is very silly to just give up, even though you have been turned down. If you let your life be ruled by the fear of being disappointed, you will most certainly be disappointed in the end. The biggest mistake you can make is not getting back on the horse.

Get up, and move on!

The Apostle Paul says: “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…” (2) If the feeling of defeat still lingers on, make a decision not to be ruled by your past. Do not wait too long before you start taking new initiatives!

This is article no.9 in a series about finding the one. Here you may find more on this subject.

1.   1. Kings 19.7
2.   Philippians 3.13